Originally published 4-28-11
Moving, and change for that matter is not for the faint of heart. But as much as life changes and thoughts of cardboard boxes and bubble wrap keep me up at night, I think it’s good to shake it up every once in a while.
As history shows, April seems to be my month for big change, a time when I’m faced with what The Clash said best, “Should I stay or should I go?” My history also shows, facing change, whether I initiated it or not -- always seems to prove useful, and usually serves as a stepping stone.
Change this time around will move me from McAllen to Austin.
McAllen, Texas, for me is a double edged sword, as most small towns are. Good and not so good.
Not so good: I feel pressure to always be “on.” Kind of like my life is one big play, and dull just isn’t in the script. Most of the time, my natural way is to be “on,” but sometimes, decompressing and wearing old gym shorts all day while hearing only the sound of my dog’s feet hit the wood floor, is nice. Sometimes, feeling like I’m responsible for entertaining a crowd and making them proud is a lot.
Good: I have family and friends and co-workers that I know that I can count on for laughs, for help, a shoulder to cry on, a lunch date and to jump start my car when the battery dies. Also, it must be noted that all that I need to survive in life (work, grocery store, gas station, restaurants) is within a 2 mile radius. Convenience is the name of the game here.
I will not miss the “not so good,” (although my Dad says I’m a ham and will), but I will terribly miss all the “good.”
Move #09 will take me to a new home where help is not just two blocks away, where Mom and Dad aren’t 3 minutes away, where my brother/roommate who somehow became a sounding board for my life, will not be. Right before every move I’ve made, when the photos started coming off the walls and all that was left was Sherwin Williams Casa Blanca paint, I contracted a case of cold feet, and had moments when I second guessed myself. It’s no different this time.
Soon, it will be Beau (the best gift I ever received by far), and I and a clean slate. And although, I’m 27 and a woman (I’m told) and I’m counting down the days, and I can’t wait for all the activity that is to come, it’s still a little scary. T minus 23 days and I’m packin’ my stuff because that’s what my heart and my gut says to do.
As a wise man once told me, it’s time to go.