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You Are Not The One

You Are Not The One

Originally published on 2-22-11

In June of 1997 the movie; My Best Friend’s Wedding, came out and I watched it, over and over and over. When it came out on video, I immediately bought it and it stayed comfortably lodged in my VHS player for the better of part of 6 months.   After months of repetition and at the age of 15,  I convinced myself that I was most like Julianne Potter, Julia Robert’s character, a 27 year old food critic who had never given marriage a thought until she found out her best friend was soon going to be off the market, and went into panic mode.

Maybe even then, all those years ago, somewhere deep inside, I knew that marriage was a road that I wouldn’t venture down in a traditional time table.

Watching the same movie 14 years later, I realize that:

#01. I admire women who can wear pant suits and pull them off.

#02. When I hear the classic “The way you look tonight” it feels like farewell, a kind of parting of loves, who want so badly for time to standstill but since time waits for no one, they hold each other close and say goodbye.

#03. The chase, the hunt, the competitiveness, ladies and gentlemen, can make you delusional, and make you rationalize until you believe the nonsense swirling around in your head.

Crazy talk: Well, he’s in a tough financial spot; as soon as it is better then we’ll be ready for a relationship.  Reality check: Money can make life more comfortable, but it shouldn’t make or break love.

Crazy talk: He just broke up with his girlfriend, he needs some time.  Reality Check: My best friend once told me, as I was in the kind of clouded denial that makes you yap in circles and sell the story of how it’s eventually going to work out, to yourself and anyone who will listen, like a used car sales man trying to make quota,  “If he can wait, then he can live without you.” Bam!  It clicked.  I don’t want to be with someone who could take me or leave me; I want someone who wants me now and everyday from now. 

Crazy talk: I mean… sure he’s with her, but he really loves me.

My Best Friend’s Wedding Dialouge

George (Julianne’s best friend): Michael is chasing Kim.

Julianne: Yes!

George (Julianne’s best friend): You’re chasing Michael.

Julianne: Yes!

George (Julianne’s best friend):  Who’s chasing you? No one! Get it! Jules, you are NOT the one!


Reality Check:  If he’s with her and not you, there’s a reason. You are not the one. Let me repeat, you are not the one.   Your inflated ego is trying to convince you that it should’ve been you; you are the one he really loves. You’re not.

Don’t waste time wallowing in your ego’s pool of negative energy; coaxing yourself into believing that it should have been you. It’s not you, so it wasn’t meant to be.  He chose someone else. If it was meant to happen with you, it would’ve happened.

Like Jay Z says, On To the Next One.

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