Who do you think you are? | Week 19 | Confidence Revolution
I can instantly recall the feeling of being bullied. My insides want to curl up like a rollie pollie. "Please, leave me alone."
I grew up in an upper middle class home in a lower middle class community and the fact that my mom dropped me off in a Ford Taurus station wagon and always had me dressed neatly was enough to send my school mates over the edge. On top of the FLASHY hatchback, I enjoyed school (God forbid) and enjoyed forming relationships with teachers and never felt like I fit in with my peers. Chicken or the egg? I'm not quite sure. My classmates were into video games and pogs and I was into getting an extra 5 points on my spelling test.
Girls would snicker and from time to time confront me face to face. "Who do you think you are?" "You think you're better than us?" "You think you're so good?" "You think you're going to make it?" "Why do you try so hard?" And then the dreaded "telling off" in Spanish. THE WORST. They talked so fast and cursed so well, I couldn't even keep up. Rollie pollie powers, ACTIVATE NOW.
That question of "who do you think you are?" has haunted me ever since. And people from my youth still rattle it off from time to time and most times I brush it off, but sometimes it gets under my skin.
Have you ever felt the need to defend who you are, your passions? Have you ever felt the need to explain why you are making certain choices or lobby folks to get them to support you? Me too. And I think it's about time we stop.
You have permission, FOREVER, (and in my opinion what is in the realm of kind and loving), to do what brings you joy.
Sometimes it's not others we are trying to convince, sometimes, we are trying to convince ourselves. Our own negative chatter box floats to the top of our consciousness and we let it overrun our control center and all we hear is, "there are so many other people who already do it better, what's the point?" Or "You're 40! You have a career, why start something new?" Or "You're 25, no one is going to take you seriously. What do you have to say that others haven't already said?" "Why are you trying so hard anyway?"
When that is happening, and you feel your insides over heating, take a step back and check in with your soul. Ask it, "Is this what you WANT to do, will this bring you joy?" If the answer is, YES, then -- keep the bus moving. Ego will try to hold us back (strangely) because it's afraid of not being THE BEST, or, THE FIRST. But soul says, "I want to play too!"
When the question arises, "Who do you think you are?" No need to get overheated or curl in on yourself like a rollie pollie. Just say, "I am God's child and I'm trying something new. I really enjoy this and I'm seeing where it takes me.
love and grace, catia
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