Time-outs and Horoscopes | Week 30 | Confidence Revolution
A few weeks ago we implemented time-out because Alexandra is going through a hitting phase.
It has been tough. When she gets angry and she’s not getting what she wants, she swats (mostly at me.) Some days she swats and flails all over the place and since she is a strong young lady, sometimes I feel like I’m actually dodging her. Strange.
We have a mat that we sit her on for 2 minutes when she’s in time-out. Most times we have to battle her to stay on it, what can I say, it’s a work in progress. And after every time-out session I give her a hug and ask her to sit down next to me.
“Let’s have a conversation,” I say as I pat the floor.
She sits next to me and I remind her that she gets to choose. I will never put her in time-out willy nilly. The only reason she experiences time-out is because SHE made the decision to get there. I remind her that she gets to control her decision making and that each decision will render good and bad consequences. EVERY SINGLE DECISION.
Maybe you’re thinking, “She’s only 2, she can’t possibly understand.” Maybe you’re right, but I’m betting she can.
I remind her that her Papa and I love her and I ask her, “Do we hit in this family?” She always shakes her head no. And then I ask her if she’s going to hit again, and she mumbles, “No ma’am.” We hug and kiss and we each go on our way.
I do this EVERY TIME I put her in time-out, which is about twice a day now. And through the day, I try to remind her, about consequences, both good and bad.
And in the last few weeks, something magical has happened, I have started making better decisions. I have started being more kind and more understanding. I have been able to stay between the lines, even when I have really wanted to go outside of them. Funny how this parenting thing works!
A few weeks ago I read my horoscope and it noted how we are shaped by the things we do, AND ALSO by things we were going to do and though better of, but didn’t.
You see, we get credit for what we do, but it’s the things that we don’t do – the phone call we DON’T make in anger, the finger we DON’T flip in road rage, the attitude we DON’T give our boss, the detail we DON’T point out to prove we were right, the piece of trash we DON’T throw on the ground just because no one is looking- that form the foundation of our character.
I saw this movie some time ago, The Counselor, part of the movie has stuck with me ever since. One of the main characters says,
The world in which you seek to undo the mistakes that you made is different from the world where the mistakes were made. You are now at the crossing. And you want to choose, but there is no choosing there. There's only accepting. The choosing was done a long time ago…
When we’re two, we have an excuse for not knowing better, maybe even when we’re 10 and 12 and even 20. But at some point we’ll wake up and realize we are the product of ALL the decisions we have made.
Friend, part of being confident is taking responsibility for your life and the way it plays out. Today, stand tall, reach down deep and make decisions that you are proud of. Start by being respectful of yourself and others, and the rest will fall into place.
love and grace, catia