Becoming JOYFUL from the Inside Out | Intimate Relationships

Reparenting PracticesBoundaries in Relationships

Jul 18

(originally published in 2018)

So much can go wrong when we are in a relationship with someone. This could mean a marriage, a serious partnership, or even when you've just started dating someone. But so much can also go right.

A relationship can be holy if we let it. It can be a space of growth and learning, and love. It can be a place where you bring out THE BEST in each other!

In August we will have been married 6 years. Someone could read '6 years' and think, "what does she know?" And someone could also read '6 years' and think, "I could never do that!' So, I'll just write from the heart.

Here's the guiding principle that started us off on the right foot when we were just falling in love.

I treated our relationship like it was fragile, like an egg.

This sounds super silly! An EGG? Come on.

But it's true.

Every decision I made early on in our relationship had "the egg" in mind. Was my decision going to harm the egg and cause it to crack? Or was it going to protect the egg? Could the egg make it another day?

So many times we treat those we are closest to, the worst. WHY? Why shouldn't we treat them the best? They are the ones we are building our life with, afterall.

Don't we want to be fully seen? Don't we want someone to KNOW us and love us? For love to grow, it needs a safe, stable place.

This analogy changed over time and I no longer view my relationship as an egg, but I do view my marriage as something that is alive and worth caring for.

Some books that have helped me tremendously in creating a strong marriage are:

The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr. Brene Brown
Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown
The Zim Zum of Love, Rob Bell
For the Love, Jen Hatmaker

The more I have evolved, the stronger my marriage has become. I have never read or studied to "fix" our marriage or my husband, or myself for that matter.

Reading these books and paying attention to other relationships, kept me in a curious, compassionate, evolving state and that's how I approach my marriage. Curious, compassionate and evolving.

I am a wife, in a marriage. But I am also a daughter, a sister, a friend - and the tenants that I am speaking about are useful for any intimate relationship.

Here's an excerpt from my next book about our marriage:

Pop and I have, with the grace of God, loved each other – safely and completely. There has never been for one second a threat, withholding of love, or the threat of abandon. Withholding love in any way – while not physically abandoning is still abandonment, the heart doesn’t know the difference. The person you are in relationship with mustn’t physically leave the space for you to feel abandoned.

We have loved each other well and safely and the result is that we have become more and more of ourselves over the years. We have settled into new levels of comfort – and somehow at the very same time found the wherewithal to reach and stretch and show up for each other.

Our family coming to Panama is one way I showed up and stretched myself for Papa.

A trip out of the country was not something I would necessarily have chosen – but I knew he really wanted it.

That’s what love does. Love shows up for people. Love says, if this is important to you, I will show up for you. I will cheer you on. I will help clear a pathway so that you can experience that which your soul needs to experience.

As the great Maya Angelou said, “Love liberates. Love doesn’t hold someone down or in, love says, go – be free.”

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Relationships can be a beautiful place for growth and love. I wish you the best in yours!

Let me know if you have any questions surrounding this topic, or schedule a private guidance session. I'd love to help you get where you want to be.