(originally published in 2018)

Here we go! Guys, it's such a pleasure to pour into your heart. Today's guide is good. Let's ride.

Okay, so last week we left off determining that there are areas of my life where I am subconsciously choosing NOT TO SHINE. For fear of not being liked, for fear of making someone uncomfortable, for fear of being too much.

And I talked about how one of the places that I identified this was happening was at the gym.

I talked about how there were times I was holding back because I didn’t want to make people uncomfortable. (I realize that this is incredibly self-involved as if my best would make people uncomfortable – maybe it would but maybe it wouldn’t at all! )

I shared this with my therapist and she said, “How do you know that your group fitness classmates wouldn’t be inspired by your effort? Maybe it would remind them of a time they were fit. Or maybe it would push them to try harder. There are a million maybes that don’t land on -- she’s such a show off and it’s making me feel terrible about my performance.”

HMMM.

Okay, I’m here for that. I get that.

So I started to try, and to push and to have more fun, and make more noise, and shake my hips more (Zumba) and to lift more weight. Here are a few things that happened.

I realized I wasn’t shaving THAT much off my performance. HA!!!!!! This cracks me up! It’s not like all of a sudden I became Serena Williams, mighty warrior woman who was just waiting for her time to shine and compete.

NOPE.

It was an improvement, but nominal if I’m speaking objectively.

ALSO, I began to have WAY more fun and actually know my limits, instead of imagining them. Which was so nice, freeing, liberating.OH, this is what my body can do, and this is what it can’t. Some days my body would perform splendidly – and some days my body would get a cut on the bottom of my toe and I would just feel sorry for myself.

Here’s what also happened.

I was having so much fun, that on July 19th, one month after getting to Panama, (I wasted no time), I reached out to the gym owner and said, "I have no experience teaching, but I’ve been taking group fitness classes for almost 20 years – all sorts – and I know what I’m doing in a gym. And I'd love to teach a class.

And she said, "thank you, I’ll keep it in mind."

Cringe!

I really wanted her to say, "Sounds great! You’re exactly who I’ve been waiting to call me. I’ve seen you work out and your such an inspiration. Welcome to the team!"

But that’s not how it went.

I kind of had a goopy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I leapt, no one caught me. The end.

Awkward.

Nevertheless, I continued going to class and having fun.

Then on August 5th, the owner asked me to substitute teach for a few classes, I was thrilled and jumped in.

AND THEN, on August 22nd, the owner of the gym sent me a message. It went like this *translated from Spanish to English

Alena: I have some ladies who are interested in cross training. Would you be comfortable teaching a cross training class? What are your thoughts? It would be Mondays and Wednesdays.

I JUMPED OUT OF MY SEAT.

Catia: Yes! I’d love to!

And now, I teach a body sculpting and conditioning class – 3 days a week! Boom-sha-ka-la-ka! I get paid to workout and inspire people. What a dream!

Last night I received the sweetest message from one of my students thanking me for my enthusiasm and positivity. She said she feels fantastic!

Just amazing.
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Here’s what I’m learning, when I don’t impose limits on myself, which is another way of saying, when I am authentically myself – the universe adjusts and more of what I want presents itself. Because the universe knows, oh, she’s looking for this – and NOPE don't send her that.

How cool is that?

If you would have told me six months ago that I would be living in Panama and working as a fitness instructor, I would have laughed. Because although I loved fitness, I really wasn’t leaving any margin for possibility.

I had my days planned out, and I was on the author trajectory -- make it to Oprah mindset -- no space for wonder.

And I loved my life 6 months ago! I was focused and accomplishing goals and one day I’ll have that kind of fire in my belly again – to do, to achieve, but right now I’m learning how to live a little differently.
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Guys,

Pick one area of your life where you are holding back (church, gym, work, marriage, friendship, style, health, creativity) and choose to stop holding back. Choose to be ALL OF YOU, exactly who you are.

Get still and ask yourself, what is the most authentic decision/action I can take here without being influenced by anyone else?

That’s how you start to build the muscle.

It requires focus and intentionality.

And you’re worth both those things.

This practice is tough, because we are so conditioned to adjust to other people.

I’m not saying adjusting is bad, or that we should never adjust.

What I am suggesting is that we learn where our center is, our baseline and then we can adjust.

But if we never learn who we really are, what our minds can do, what our bodies can look like, what books we can write, what companies we can turn around, what casseroles we can make, what awards we can win, what marriages we can have – then all we’re really doing is wasting our time, we’re not honoring the gift.

A few of my favorite quotes around this topic are:

To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift. –Steve Prefontaine

Halfway is bullshit. If you go halfway, you get hurt! -Coach from The Cutting Edge

If you’re not doing your best, you’re wasting your *effing* time! -Yours truly

I want to see you SHINE!!! Be all of you, be proud to be all of you!!!!