Die?

That's a little extreme, Catia.

I know, it totally is. But here's the thing.

I know this super special person, who is amazing and has so many gifts. This person has been working hard for so long and doing their best. This person fills their car with gas, pays their taxes, loves as well as they can. This person donates hard earned money to causes like Make-a-Wish and their heart breaks when they see people in need. This person wants to help everyone else, so they put themselves at the bottom of the list. This person I know is so special, so gifted, so beautiful and they are here -- living and walking through the world well, but parts of their spirit have been muted, parts of their spirit and body are dying.

If I could tell this person one thing - it would be that THEY ARE WORTHY OF LOVE, OF REST, OF JOY. You know, the really good stuff of life. I would make sure they know they have the power to choose joy, to bring their spirit alive, to FEEL, and to expand into the fullness of who they are.

Want to know who that person is?

It's you.

It's you.

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We work so hard, we DO so much that sometimes the ENJOYING part of life gets lost. Does that resonate with you?
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A few years ago, my husband and I were brand new parents, married just over a year, and still relatively new to each other.

I had acquiesced to the idea of a babysitter for our few month old daughter so that we could enjoy a date night. But I wasn’t thrilled at the idea, I just knew - that’s what you’re supposed to do.

As I looked through my closet I thought, what DOES a mom wear to date night? It was as if all my clothes looked daring and loud. Moms don’t wear those things. I'll need new clothes soon.

I ended up putting on my Spanx and the most appropriate black date night dress I could find.

We went to a nice restaurant, because -- that’s what you do on date nights. Wanting to get as much bang for our babysitter buck - we decided to go to a nearby cafe and share a slice of chocolate cake. My appropriate date night dress was getting tighter by the minute.

We were getting to the point in the date night where there isn’t as much to talk about - so you’re kind of gazing away from time to time - and my husband asked, “When was the last time you felt joy?” And the words, “I feel content and happy and I love you and our girl and our dogs,” spilled out of my mouth. And he said, “Yes, I know - but JOY - effervescent joy?”

I looked up at the worn ceiling tiles as my brain was deciding if my mouth was going to say what my heart felt.

"Two years ago."

(Two years had gone by. Can you believe it? I was on a date night, I loved my husband, I was eating chocolate cake -- all the things I had prayed for - and yet, joy wasn't there.)

“The last time I felt - joy - I was with my brothers and we were jumping up and down and singing at the top of our lungs at a live Jay-Z concert - that was the last time.”

Since that concert, I had quit a job I loved, put my career on hold, gotten married, gone through some pregnancy scares, moved three times, had a baby AND I was in the middle of PPD - but didn’t know it.

Had I been happy in the last 2 years? For sure. But had I been joyful? I don’t think I had.

Then he threw something out into the air that shifted me forever, "You know you can have that joyous feeling often... right?"

I thought, No I can’t. I’m a mom, and a wife - that would be selfish. Effervescent joy - at this stage of my life? That’s preposterous. How can I seek joy? I’ve got dirty dishes to wash. Joy? That would be irresponsible! Joy? I don’t have time for nonsense.

And even though my brain had a scroll of reasons why joy was unimportant -- when my gift of husband said those words to me, a deep part of my spirit started to awaken and say to me - YES. FOLLOW THIS PATH.

I wasn’t even sure how to choose joy… so I set out to discover it.

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Over the next 4 weeks we'll be breaking down how you can CHOOSE JOY.
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I so want you to fly.

love and grace, catia