Trying is Contagious | Week 52 | Confidence Revolution
You have grown by leaps and bounds this year and I am so thrilled for you!
The stories you've shared with me via email are heart-warming, inspiring, and all the fuel I need to keep going.
There are so many things I'd like to share with you before I go on hiatus (guys, I have 3 weeks left until our due date but contractions started last night!)
But for now I'll say keep trying. Trying is underrated. The ONE thing that all the greats ( no matter how one defines 'the greats' ) is that they all TRIED.
The more you try, the more you will believe in yourself and then - and then this domino effect happens with those around you - and they also begin trying. It's a beautiful thing to watch unfold.
You can positively impact your life and your corner of the world - just by trying.
Enjoy today, you deserve it! Happy New Year!
love and grace, catia
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How to be a Better Parent | Week 51 | Confidence Revolution
Week 51!
Can you believe it? You have done such an amazing job walking this road. I am proud of you!
If you’ve never heard of Dr. Shefali Tsabary, allow me to introduce you.
If you are a parent, a child, if you want to know how to have more joy, how to be in flow more, how to relax into life more --- Dr. Shefali is for you!
I have been a longtime fan of Dr. Shefali (and so has Oprah! I have good taste. Lol – Dr. Shefali is Oprah’s foremost expert on parenting.)
At a conference in San Antonio - I had the chance to meet Dr. Shefali at a conference, and I worked up the nerve to ask her to read my book – and this is what she had to say.
I was REALLY EXCITED AND HONORED!
In my book (coming soon!) I reference Dr. Shefali's first book The Conscious Parent. A few things that Dr. Shefali highlights in this book is that as parents most of us:
1. Assume since we are older we KNOW BETTER (wrong) and
2. Don’t really see our children, rather we try to mold them
3. Project our unresolved issues onto our children and
4. That most of our unresolved issues were handed down to us by folks who also had unresolved issues. (oops)
Now these points are VERY basic. I just finished a 4 month long course with Dr. Shefali where she DELVES into these subjects – so know these are just bullet points and there are MANY MORE LAYERS.
Some basic examples of unconsciously trying to mold children are:
The mom who always loved pageants as a child and insists that her daughter also be involved in pageants. Does the daughter really like pageants or would she rather play soccer?
Or
The father who had dreams of making the NFL but never quite did – so he pushes his son into competitive football, even though the son doesn’t show any interest.
Or – a seemingly more noble cause
The parents who push and schedule their 3 year to learn a new language because they want her to be ready for the Ivy League once application time rolls around.
None of these examples are “bad” on their face. The children will most certainly learn good skills from pageantry, football and academics – but is it what they want or are the parents just working out unresolved issues of insecurity, lack, boredom, etc.?
The first time I was introduced to the notion of unconscious molding it was hard to hear.
I most certainly want my daughter to have a good, joy filled life – but maybe her version of good and joy filled life is being a yoga teacher and rescuing dogs – maybe it’s not attending Yale and being an international speaker (my dream.)
The Conscious Parent encouraged me to not only facilitate my daughter’s life (she’s only 2.5), but to SEE her, and to tune into Alexandra’s voice -- literally and figuratively. Seeing Alexandra as a person rather than just a mini-me allowed me to release expectations and simply enjoy her. <3 <3
love and grace, catia
This is Embarassing | Week 50 | Confidence Revolution
My entire life I wanted to be discovered.
From a very young age I had visions of an agent plucking me out of obscurity and taking me to the big time.
Guys, I AM SO DEAD SERIOUS.
I’d go on family vacations with my folks and brothers and as early as age 9 – I’d sit by the pool with a book or walk on the beach, or laugh in just the right way ( I know – embarrassing!) so that JUST IN CASE there was a talent agent nearby – I WOULD BE READY.
I heard stories of girls getting discovered and being on rocket ships to stardom. And so I just knew that I would be able manifest the same. “Any moment now, any moment now, any….”
Radio silence…for years.
Why had those girls gotten discovered and not me?
I desperately wanted a crane to drop in, scoop me up and place me into this new “I had made it life.”
For decades I wanted this…until sometime in the last 6 months – I had a flash of wisdom – flashes come to me once in a while. ;)
My journey was not about someone discovering me, my journey was about me DISCOVERING MYSELF.
Along the way I have pushed myself and done things my skill set deemed unlikely if not impossible. Some of my favorites were: being drum major in high school (I was an okay musician– but not great), getting a master’s degree (I was naturally a B student), running a marathon (I am a terrible but determined runner), building a web site (I taught myself from scratch), and writing a book (I sat my butt down and wrote every day for 1 year).
My journey is about me discovering what I am made of. And it hasn’t been easy, but it’s been BEYOND rewarding.
If the talent agent, the crane, had come and picked me up out of obscurity – I may not have developed a sense of duty, determination and tenacity. I may not have ever pushed myself. I may not have figured out what I was capable of. I may have gotten to “the big show” and crumbled because I hadn’t built up my inner self!
If you’re out there wanting to be discovered or validated – I’m here to say – You’re the one. You’re the one who is going to have to SHOW UP. And once you’ve shown yourself that YOU CAN – no can take that away from you. No one can take away your struggles and triumphs and that unshakable sense of confidence. You can stand taller because YOU ARE.
I finally gave up wanting to be discovered – but I stayed on the yellow brick road to my discovery – and I am all the better for it. I know who I am, I know what I can do and I know what I can give – and I know that I can always figure it out.
And that’s what I want for you – I want you to know that you strong and that you can make it and that you can always figure it out.
love and grace, catia
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TRUST | Week 49 | Confidence Revolution
Has life thrown you any curve balls lately? ME TOO!
And one day I’ll tell you all about it – but for now – I want to say – things (poop, the unexpected, the frustrating, the devastating) happen – to all of us.
And I wish I could tell you that doing “the work,” making progress on your inner self will exempt you from pain and challenges – but it won’t. But what it does do is give you tools you need to make it through each day – and not only SURVIVE – but enjoy the experience.
And guys, ENJOYING it is what it’s ALL about.
This year you have learned how to:
Not react
find peace
choose good relationships
listen to your voice
be proud of who you are
shake off the haters
love more deeply.
and
how to enjoy life more.
You now know how to see things through! And if you don’t have the exact tool – you know how to learn and stretch – and that’s all you ever really to know – HOW TO LEARN.
But from time to time – you’ll feel crazy, in over your head. And in those moments, I encourage you to TRUST and to sink into your faith more – to not run away from it – but to hold on tighter – KNOWING that God will bring you through.
This knowing, this trusting – is not easy – it requires both diligence and patience. And who wants to be patient?! I know….
But I have found that when I’ve done my best, and stay in my faith, AND stay in my own integrity (which means continuing to make decisions I feel good about) - that even if there is pain and inconvenience and suffering and maybe even all out disaster – I ALWAYS end up stronger, more connected and more of the woman I wanted to be.
TRUST in yourself. You are capable. You are strong. You are plenty.
and...
TRUST in God. God is capable. God is strong. God is plenty.
love and grace to you!
What to do with Haters | Week 48 | Confidence Revolution
It’s the holiday season and you’re likely around a lot of folks – friends, family and co-workers. And some of those folks are going to throw some shade, or try to undermine you or flat out criticize you. Some will lovingly point out things you could be doing better and some will nit-pick just to annoy you.
Here are some things to remind yourself when you feel criticism being hurled at you.
Know that there are two types of criticism – destructive and constructive.
DESTRUCTIVE:
- It’s likely they don’t really KNOW you - so don't take their words personally.
- It’s 99.9% likely that their opinions have NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with their own unresolved issues, dilemmas and short comings.
- Folks who criticize (and we all do it from time to time) are seeing the world through their own view point. They’re not really putting themselves in your shoes.
- Also – THE BIG KAHUNA - You can’t change their opinion – because it’s not about you – it’s about them.
CONSTRUCTIVE:
- It’s coming from someone who shows they love you. (Not just says they love you.)
- If their comment hits a nerve, sit with it – maybe there’s some truth to the statement.
- Try not to shut it out completely – try to see if from their point of view.
- Would you benefit from a little change?
- Know you can handle it. All growth comes with some level of discomfort.
- Sometimes our loved ones know we deserve better and just want us to believe it.
You are strong and you can ABSOLUTELY handle what is coming your way.
love and grace, catia
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I am Grateful for You | Week 47 | Confidence Revolution
In anticipation of mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and football - and in anticipation of welcoming our friends and family, we are all reminded that this is the season of thanks.
I wanted to squeeze in a moment to make sure you know that I am filled with thanks for you.
You have shown me that fellowship makes us stronger. Individually we are like single pieces of reed, strong but presented with some limitations.
But when we come together, when we are woven together, when our stories and hearts support one another, we become stronger and are able to carry more.
Our sum is greater than our parts.
I give you thanks from the bottom of my heart for walking with me this year. Know that there is something in you that motivates me to keep reaching. It’s because of you that I have inched closer to the woman I want to be.
My prayer is that the good Lord continues to bless us all and that our spirits be open enough to recognize it.
Feliz dia de Gracias!
love and grace, catia
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I Am Not Your Guru | Week 46 | Confidence Revolution
Have you ever dated someone you knew was NOT THE ONE? Me too.
Remember that feeling of KNOWING YOU HAD TO DO SOMETHING, CHANGE SOMETHING, but not having the courage to rip the band aid off? Me too.
And have you noticed that that same awkward feeling comes back when you know you’re in situations you shouldn’t be in?
For some of us, the knowing manifests as a queasy feeling, for others anxiety, for others teeth grinding, for others overeating and for others, busyness. Our truth always comes out – somehow. Our minds and bodies and spirits KNOW – we have to make a change, or else.
The other day I watched, I am Not Your Guru, a film that gives the viewer an inside look on Tony Robbins and his life changing seminars.
During the seminar they focused on a lady who was having trouble in her romantic relationship and over a series of questions, Tony determined that the man she was dating was NOT THE ONE, and suggested she break up with him.
He challenged her to call and break up with him – right then and there – in front of everybody. And she did.
It was incredibly awkward to watch.
Later when asked why he urged her to do it in that very moment he said, “Most people think change happens over time, but change happens in a moment.”
He went on to explain that in order for someone to “take the leap” or “make the shift” their mind, bodies and spirits ALL have to have reach this magic THRESHOLD. And once they are all “there” it is of utmost importance that the person take advantage of the moment – because if too much time passes – the energies start to diffuse and fall further and further from threshold level.
That’s why most people think change takes time, because their energy levels flirt with “the threshold” and then diffuse, and flirt and diffuse, and they are on that continual cycle until finally (if ever) the person decides to change.
The magic is knowing when all systems have reached the threshold, and taking ACTION right at that moment.
Yet, each of us have different thresholds for how much pain we need to be in to finally make ‘the change.’ Whether the change is finishing something, starting something or changing something.
So the next time you feel like you need to -- make a change, start a blog, end a relationship, start a relationship, declare your love, change your circle of friends, eat better, stop drinking – whatever it is that is nagging you, that is looming over your head – the next time you feel fired up – know that that sense of being fired up will fade and take advantage of that moment when your mind, body and spirit are saying NOW.
Don’t suppress your feelings, make those changes, don’t waste any time.
I know you can do it, but will you?
love and grace, catia
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Love Warrior | Week 45 | Confidence Revolution
I have been a fan of Glennon’s for a few years now. First I read Carry On, Warrior. Then I read her blogs, then I joined her community, then I went to go see her speak and then … I read Love Warrior.
I am all in when it comes to Glennon.
She is not perfect, she is real. She is not polished, she is raw. She inspires me to love and to keep showing up, to share my gifts and to stretch my heart to care for everyone (no matter how far away their troubles may seem from mine.)
Her latest book, Love Warrior is bold. It’s the story of how she and her husband hit ROCK bottom and how they healed themselves. The book is layered and complex and talks of porn, sex and infidelity. But it also talks about how she and her husband did the work to heal themselves individually and how only then were they able to heal their marriage.
Here’s one take-away from the book:
One day after Glennon found out about Craig’s infidelity, she was at church and a fellow parishioner (also a woman) approached her, wagged a finger in her face and said, “God gave you to Craig as his helper. Your duty is to help him through this time.”
Was helper really God’s name for women?
Glennon got mad and then she got curious.
It turns out, the original Hebrew word for woman is EZER. The word EZER has two roots, strong and benevolent. In her research she also found that the best translation for the word EZER is WARRIOR.
God created woman as a WARRIOR.
As young girls and women, we are fed a lot of stories. Some stories are of how prince charming will come as rescue us if we are worthy enough. Other stories are of how we should aim to be just like men. And yet other stories are about how we are a subset of humanity.
Well, I think all those stories are WRONG.
I think that women are glorious creatures. I think we have gifts bestowed upon us that are unique to us – just as men have gifts bestowed upon them that are unique to them. To be a woman is to be WHO you want to be, without the influence of stories.
Alexandra is 2 now and picking up more and more every day. She sings and counts and says Amen and has now taken to calling me, Mami. :) Because I know she is a sponge I often say, “Raise your hand if you’re smart!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hand if you’re awesome!” We all raise our hands. “Raise your hands if you’re fun!” We all raise our hands.
And just a few weeks ago, I started weaving in “strong,” and she has started flexing her biceps.
I want her to KNOW she is worthy and kind and strong. I want her sense of worth to be a foregone conclusion.
The other day Alexandra was calling my name, she wanted me to make her breakfast. But her Papa was in the kitchen, so I took my time getting out of bed. And I heard my husband say, “Your Mama is one of the most capable people I know – she’ll come when she’s ready.” And a tear rolled down my cheek.
I am capable. I am powerful. I am a WARRIOR – KIND AND BENEVOLENT – AND SO ARE YOU.
love and grace, catia
Powerful + Gentle | Week 44 | Confidence Revolution
In the ancient Hebrew tradition they carried two slips of paper, one in each pocket. On one piece of paper they wrote, “For my sake the world was created.” And on the other piece of paper they wrote, “I am but dust and ashes.” And each person was encouraged to carry these slips of paper in their pockets and remind themselves daily, they exist as big and small simultaneously.
For us to operate at our best we’ve got to strike the right balance between powerful and gentle, and for most of us, that’s really tough.
Here’s how I’ve learned to find the balance between powerful and gentle.
1) I have realized I am good enough to be here.
In an article a few months back I read that Charlie Strong, coach of the UT Longhorns, told his team, “If you weren’t good enough to be here, you wouldn’t be.” And I extend that sentiment to you. You ARE good enough to be here. You HAVE survived your worst ten days. You did land that job. You did graduate. You did provide for you family. You did get through that break up. You’re good enough to be here, because YOU ARE HERE.
Hello, World!
2) I have realized I wear a crown on my head.
A few times a week I read, The Crown on Your Head, to Alexandra. The book’s message is about how each of us is a child of God, and how we each have invisible, magical crowns on our heads. My favorite line is the book is, “No one’s is brighter, no one’s is duller, it’s only a crown of a different color.”
And guys, after the 1,000th time of reading that line, I started to really believe it.
For my sake the world was created. AND, for your sake, the world was created.
3.) I am part of something greater.
The other day Guapo and I were driving to pick up pizza and U2’s song, Mysterious Ways, came through the speakers. “To touch is to heal, to hurt is to steal. If you want to kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel. On your knees, boy!” And for the first time I really HEARD the lyrics.
If you want to touch the sky, you’d better learn how to kneel. Ooohhhhhh!!!!! If I want to reach great heights, I’ve got to realize I am part of something bigger, greater and maybe even unknowable. I’ve got to show humility. I’ve got to be gentle in my ways. I have got to realize, I am but dust and ashes.
As you go through your day today, remember that no one like you has ever been or ever will be. The world needs you to grow into your power and then we need you to help others do the same.
love and grace, catia
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How to Get People to Change | Week 43 | Confidence Revolution
Have you ever tried to get your girlfriend so stop dating the ‘bad guy,’ or have you ever tried to get your co-worker to do it the ‘right way?’ Maybe you’ve tried coerce your husband into going to church -- or maybe you’ve tried to convince your Aunt to vote for the RIGHT candidate. (ha!)
Trying to get people to change is the worst. But why?
You have ALL the answers. You are a #confidencerevolution champion! You know how to be vulnerable, how to create boundaries, how to love fiercely, and on and on. Don’t your friends and family know just how much you can help them?
Trying to force people to change has been a weakness of mine for a long time. I come from a good place, but sometimes I’m also kind of bossy. Shocker! ( I'm a work in progress.)
When I'm having a tough time, these are the things I remind myself of:
- Live in joy
- Be a good example
- Love them
- I have to live what I believe, not just talk the talk
- Remember that everyone gets ‘there’ in their own time, if they get ‘there’ at all.
- My path is not for everyone
The reason we get so excited about new information we’ve learned or a new way of thinking is because it worked for us. It helped us. It bettered us.
And we want those we love to also experience this goodness. BUT we have to remind ourselves that we don’t control their behavior – the most we can control is the way we live our life and hope that the byproducts of our new found ways (joy, peace, love) are enough to pique curiosity and maybe even ignite a spark of change.
So rest easy, living in your fullness and your joy is all the convincing people need.
love and grace, catia
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Speak + Light the Way | Week 42 | Confidence Revolution
Zainab Salbi is an author, women's rights activist, humanitarian, social entrepreneur, and in 2002 became the founder of Women for Women International (a non-profit organization that provides support to women survivors of war.) And in 2015 she took her platform an expanded it by launching Nida’a Show, a talk show dedicated to inspire women in the Arab world. Sounds awesome, right?
Well, her story wasn’t always as bright and shiny.
In 1969 Salbi was born to Saudi Arabian to parents and when she was 11 years old her dad, Tariq, was chosen to be Saddam Hussein’s pilot. This relationship, as you can imagine, put her family in an emotionally abusive situation. But one doesn’t just leave Saddam Hussein.
After her teenage years and as Zainab became a young women, her mother began to fear for her daughter’s life (Saddam took what and who he wanted) and so her mother shipped her off to the US as part of an arranged marriage. And after three months of suffering physical and emotional abuse from her husband, with only $400 to her name, she left to start a life of her own.
But when she arrived in the US (1988) – Zainab was ashamed to tell anyone who she was. Albeit negative, she had a direct link to Saddam Hussein. For perspective, in 1988 Saddam Hussein had just begun the genocide of their countrymen who were Kurdish. He was imprisoning, torturing and murdering people – and Zainab’s dad was his pilot - which engulfed her in shame.
At some point she realized, for her own sanity, she had to tell her story and heal, and the results surprised her.
She noted how when she did, she was met with love, empathy and compassion. And that undoubtedly, each woman she told had a shame story of their own. Something that was hindering them from moving forward.
Salbi also noticed that once she and each of these women had the courage to break their silence and step out of their own shame -- that each person became like a candle – lighting the way for others – a hope giving of sorts.
--
Guys, I have been writing and speaking my truth for 6 years - I have shared some doozies with you and have shared even more with those closest to me. And in 6 years of honoring my truth – I have NEVER been met with, “That’s so weird, I’ve never heard of that!” I’ve ALWAYS been met with, “Oh, really? I didn’t know you were going through that – I ALSO went through something similar,” or “My friend went through that too,” and sometimes it’s just a plain and simple, “me too.”
And after I break my silence, I feel lighter, more connected and stronger for walking through it.
--
Maybe you have credit card debt and can’t afford the purse you carry, maybe you owe the bank money, maybe you are an alcoholic, maybe you experienced abuse growing up, maybe you lead a life you’re not proud of and you’re afraid that when people find out who YOU REALLY ARE – that they won’t love you.
I’m here to tell you, that if they’re worth having around, they will.
I’m here to tell you that breaking your silence and sharing your story creates connection and gives hope to those who share in your pain. (Not to mention giving you hope!)
What you do with your story is a choice – and what a wonderful choice to OWN IT – to create your own ending.
love and grace, catia
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Independence is Overrated | Week 41 | Confidence Revolution
In August 2014, my Mom told me she wanted to come stay with us/help us after Alexandra was born. I puffed out my chest, told her I didn't want to "farm out" the caring of my daughter. (The audacity!) Then, after a grueling labor and a plummeting of hormones and energy -- I was DESPERATE for help. No help sounded agonizing.
For many of us, asking for help is equivalent to admitting defeat. We would rather keep struggling in silence, sinking deeper in quicksand with every passing day, than admit we can’t do something entirely on our own.
The traditional African proverb—it takes a village to raise a child—is as equally true today as it was thousands of years ago, but somehow we have lost touch with its essence. With the advent of social media and with the threat that folks can peek into our lives on a whim, we have turned into a society of thinly veiled facades: “All good over here! Don’t need a thing! Look at our portrait perfect family!” But really, we are no different from the generations that have preceded us; we are equally entangled with joy and heartache.
Many people share with me that they find purpose, joy, and meaning in helping others, but they battle accepting help themselves. Refusal of help is nothing more than pride taking a long stroll. If we enthusiastically offer help to others and show up for them, and yet we don’t accept the occasional helping hand, are we strong, or are we narcissists?
When life is bearing down on us and our instincts are to tidy up the house or go drink ourselves into oblivion—when our instinct is to numb—let’s do the thing we think we cannot do. Let’s call someone we trust and talk to them about it, cry about it, name the issue, and start to look at it. Admitting that we have hit our limit and seeking help from outside ourselves is a profound action that will rocket-launch us deeper into levels of connection with those around us.
In The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal, author and internationally recognized life coach and speaker, Renee Peterson Trudeau, spurs women to create their own personal support system. She brings to light how having a support system can have a huge impact on how we experience day-to-day life. Folks with robust support systems are more effective at work and at home, keep resolutions, weather personal and professional challenges more easily, are less likely to feel isolated, and (here’s the kicker) have children who become comfortable asking for and receiving help and support from others.
In the moments when we would rather be cemented in our independence than ask for help, let’s consider personifying our pride and letting it know that Bob Marley was right—every little thing is gonna to be alright. Let’s consider not sucking it up and pushing through, but allowing love in. Just as we want to impart our love, empathy, and compassion on others, they also want the opportunity to impart those gifts on us.
Needing help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of humanity. When we are open to help, we are both courageous enough to recognize our own breaking point and wise enough to welcome others to help carry us through.
“Accepting help is its own kind of strength.” –Kiera Cass
I used to find pride in being INDEPENDENT at whatever cost. Now I push my pride out of the way and I find joy and ease and strength in asking for help and like my Pastor says, having WITHNESSES for the journey.
love and grace, catia
Joseph Schooling + the GOAT | Week 40 | Confidence Revolution
This was Joseph Schooling in 2008. He was 13 years old and at that point had lived in Singapore his entire life.
As a young boy, Joseph began training as a serious swimmer and in 2008 when the US Swim team trained in Singapore, Joseph got to meet one of his heroes, Michael Phelps.
In 2009 Joseph Schooling moved to Jacksonville, Florida and began more serious swim training, setting his sights on one day competing and beating Michael Phelps. RIDICULOUS, SINCE HE WAS ONLY 14 AND MICHAEL PHELPS HAD ALREADY SECURED 22 GOLD MEDALS.
We all know Phelps just retired as the GOAT (greatest-of-all-time -- you see, I keep up with trends!) decorated with 28 medals, but what happened to Schooling?
Well, Schooling is now 21, attends The University of Texas at Austin ( Hook ‘Em!) and most recently earned the FIRST EVER GOLD MEDAL for his home country of Singapore. You see, he swam the 100m butterfly and oh yeah, BEAT MICHAEL PHELPS.
The headlines read:
“Joseph Schooling, the boy who beat Michael Phelps eight years after meeting his Olympic hero.”
“21-year-old Schooling was just 13 when he met his idol. Now, he's beaten the most successful Olympian of all time and become Singapore's first ever gold medalist.”
“Joseph Schooling rocked the swimming world when he defeated the most successful Olympic athlete of all time in Michael Phelps, eight years after he met the 22-time gold medalist as a young boy.”
“21-year-old Schooling triumph in the thrilling 100m butterfly final that saw Singapore claim its first ever Olympic gold medal.”
“Phelps was beaten by a 21-year-old who grew up idolizing the most decorated athlete in Olympic history.”
When asked about his triumph, Schooling responded, "That's pretty crazy, what happens in eight years.”
Yes, yes it is.
Guys, I dream BIG.
I’ve watched 5,674 hours of Oprah. I have watched so much I know that when she interviews authors, she picks a few sentences she loves from their books, flags them and reads the prose back to them. Oprah will read the sentence and say something like, “ I love that!,” or “Tell me more about that,” or “That’s good.”
And when I was writing my book, The Courage to Become, (out in December!), once in while I would write a really good sentence and I would see Oprah sitting across from me. And I would hear her reading the sentence back to me. Just as I have seen her do with other authors. Just me and my gal, Oprah, discussing The Courage to Become.
That sounds insane right? I know.
But so does a 13 year old trying to beat the most decorated Olympic athlete of ALL TIME.
So many of us fear dreaming BIG, seeking BIG, reaching BIG – because we’re afraid of what happens if we don’t reach the top of the mountain.
But, I would encourage you to flip that and ask yourself, what happens if I dream small, seek small and reach small?
If Schooling didn’t beat Phelps would we have looked down on him? NO. If I don’t ever sit across from Oprah will I be a failure? NO -- because I will have tried and stumbled and tried again and enriched myself and others in the process.
Don’t be afraid to dream BIG and to dream OUT LOUD. The only thing standing between you and the top of your mountain is a clear goal and devotion. If you get tired, learn to rest, not quit.
love and grace, catia
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Strokes + Insights | Week 39 | Confidence Revolution
In 1996, Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor suffered a stroke. Because of the stroke she lost her language, her memories and ability to think about the future. She became an infant in a woman’s body. BUT -- she gained an entirely new perspective on life.
Dr. Taylor described how she lost use of half her brain, but since the other half allowed her to be connected to the present moment -- she began to feel ENERGY.
Since connecting via energy was the only way she could connect with anyone, the volume on the energy that people brought to her hospital room was turned up. She recognized when someone was brushing her off, or when they were sincerely trying to care for her – whether they made eye contact and were loving or whether they were just checking boxes (nurses, doctors, visitors, etc.)
Eventually she realized that the type of energy people brought to her room was affecting her recovery and her joy and so she made a sign that said: Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this space.
--
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you leave feeling down or tired or bad about yourself? Those are the worst! Conversely, have you ever had a conversation with someone and you leave feeling uplifted, loved, and maybe even at peace? What you are feeling is a transfer of energy.
Some people think energy/auras/juju are mumbojumbo, but I think energy is VERY REAL.
Energy is one of the ways I evaluate people and situations. I have walked into a movie theatre and walked out because the energy felt too frantic for me. And I have warmed up to people because their energy seemed warm and welcoming.
I created the Confidence Revolution so that you could stand taller and be proud of who you are, and part of that is honoring yourself by surrounding yourself with GOOD ENERGY.
You are working so hard and making so many wonderful strides, make the most of it and surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up, who are going to support you and cheer you on and who you will do the same for.
That’s how it all works! When we are positive and kind and surround ourselves with the same type of people, that’s when cycles and addictions are broken, that’s when bad habits fall by the wayside and that’s when we accomplish things we never thought possible.
But WE MUST give and surround ourselves with good energy. Don’t be afraid to create firm boundaries and then do a little negative energy cleaning in your life. (Read more about boundaries here.)
You DESERVE goodness, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be uplifted. Be kind and loving and demand other people do the same for you.
love and grace, catia
Click here to watch this week's Confidence Revolution video.
What's Love Got to do With it? | Week 38 | Confidence Revolution
Meet Elizabeth. She and I have been friends since the 3rd grade and the entirety of our friendship has been built on love and laughter. It’s one of those rare friendships that has survived over multiple life seasons. We have made it through moving cities, attending different universities, different professions, marriage, children and now we live in different states – and still (thankfully) we remain.
The only time we somewhat parted ways was during our college years. In my mind’s eye, she was always on the straight and narrow. She always seemed “good,” – minding her parents, playing college sports – living in the light. I tended to push the envelope and although I didn’t think of myself as a “bad” girl – I definitely stayed out late, dated guys I wasn’t supposed to, wore skimpy clothes and gave my parents headaches.
The more time Elizabeth and I spent away from each other, the more I made her out to be “good” and me out to be “bad.” And so, I pulled away from her. I knew the standards I had for my life, were lower than the ones she had for hers, I was making decisions I wasn’t proud of and quite frankly – I didn’t want to face it. I knew that if I stood in her light, I’d have to acknowledge my decision making and maybe even have to change – and since I wasn’t ready to do that – I stayed away.
One fall day in 2007, I remember a light going off in my head and realizing WHY I had pushed her away. And so I sat down and wrote her a note on this new thing people called, Facebook. I admitted to being embarrassed and even ashamed at times of my behavior and decision making – and she met me with 100% love. (She may not even remember, but it was a big day for me.)
She didn’t tell me how I had gone astray, she offered me no advice -- she told me she was glad I had written and that she loved me. And that was that. We were back on.
And after years of sitting with her kindness, I unpacked what happened.
When I sent her a message in 2007, perhaps I was ready to start making some changes, start the process of healing (which by the way – takes TIME…so be easy on yourself….you’ll get there), and her unwavering love made me feel like I deserved to heal, like I deserved to want better for myself.
And so – even though I wasn’t sure what was happening – I started in on the hard but fulfilling work of healing from the inside out.
--
It’s easy (and frustrating) to try to force people to change, because we think we know what's best. It turns out that when we push someone, when we force them into making decisions they're not ready for -- they either end up resentful or our relationship ends up strained -- if one remains at all.
We can try to force people into changing (dieting, quitting smoking, drugs, cheating, etc.) and we may get what we want fairly quickly, but it's very likely to unravel and backfire.
Have you ever been shamed into better decision making? Me neither. I have only been LOVED into better decision making.
I only made changes in my life when I knew and felt in my bones that I deserved better.
The magic sauce is loving people so much that they believe they deserve better. It's a slow process but it builds and unshakable foundation - and don't we want that for those we so dearly love?
love and grace, catia
Unspoken Truth + Weight | Week 37 | Confidence Revolution
Have you ever known what you needed to do, but didn’t want to take the steps to make it happen because you were just going along to get along? Or maybe you didn’t want to speak your truth because you didn’t want to rock the boat? Or maybe you didn’t want to say what you were thinking OUTLOUD, because God forbid, you would appear high maintenance?
Me too.
We started our IVF journey in mid-January. I took hormones that sent my body into menopause and at the same time took hormones that made my body mature eggs at Usain Bolt speed. I administered 4 shots a day every day. I was bloated, in pain and praying for a healthy baby. I had blood draws every 2-3 days and had doctor’s appointments at the same rate, and on top of it all we were spending a boat load of money to make it all happen.
In early March we had our first embryo implant and by the end of March we learned that the baby did not take and that we were not pregnant. It was a very sad day and few weeks for our family. Were we going to have another baby?
Just about that time, God started whispering to me and I knew I was supposed to change doctors. Only changing doctors WAS NOT something that our IVF clinic responded well to. Once a doctor was assigned to you, they wanted to see it through. But I KNEW I NEEDED TO SWITCH. I knew on the next go around, we would have a healthy baby, IF I could switch who the implant doctor would be.
Afraid of appearing HIGH MAINTENANCE, I said nothing and my anxiety started to bubble up. I couldn’t quite work up the courage to ask for the switch, until one day there was a wrinkle in my original doctor’s calendar and I quickly spoke up and asked to be under the care of NEW DOCTOR.
The nurse sighed and told me that their office didn’t like it -- I pushed anyway. She said my switching doctors was going to rock the boat -- I pushed anyway.
Eventually they obliged and NEW DOCTOR implanted the next embryo and now we are 22 weeks pregnant!
I was going through ALL that, trying to bring a life into the world and I was afraid of appearing/being high maintenance!!! Who is this person that started the, Confidence Revolution anyway?!
And as soon as I asked for what I wanted, as soon as I was true to my intuition, I felt better, lighter, RELIEVED.
There is a space where being kind and gentle to others, meets being kind and true to OURSELVES. That’s where we should aim to live. We should not forsake our truth for fear of change or disruption, instead we should aim to be so in touch with our truth and our emotions that we can quickly identify them and allow ourselves to be guided by them.
Maybe your unacknowledged truth is something small, but maybe it’s something big. Maybe you are gay and have never said it out loud, maybe you really want to be an artist and feel like you’re suffocating at your desk job. Maybe you would rather your mother-in-law not treat your children one way, but you’re afraid to speak up. Maybe you’re battling abuse or addiction and you’re afraid to say anything because saying it out loud will require change. Maybe you’re in a relationship that you know is not for you but you’re afraid of hurting the person, so you go along to get along.
All of those fears are understandable, but you can either confront the fear (the weird feeling, the awkward change) or it will sit inside you and create such a heaviness in you that your light will begin to fade and eventually go out.
When we know and speak our truth we are able to walk around unburdened, light and joyful.
And that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, light and joy.
love and grace, catia
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The Courage to Become | Week 36 | Confidence Revolution
Encouraging people and giving them the tools to be who they most want to be, has been my passion since before I had the language for it.
Yesterday I received an email from a high school classmate,
“…I had my child when I was a freshman in high school. I didn’t know much English but despite my struggles, you made a difference in my life back then, always being so nice to me and just showing me that there’s always somebody that just with a helping hand and a smile can change somebody’s world. That person was you!! Just want to say, thank you.”
I cried when I read it and I’m crying now. (Maybe it’s the hormones.)
So many people have given so much to me, have guided me, and have loved me into who I am today and who I continue to become. It is my HONOR to pay it forward, to give you the love and the tools kind folks have given me.
When I have been afraid and in a tough spot, or confused, it has always helped me to look out and find someone who had been THROUGH and who had come out the other side. It always helped me to see someone living out what I wanted to live out. It helped me get my footing, and work up courage until I could stand on my own two feet.
I’m thinking that seeing and hearing from folks who have garnered, the courage to become people they were proud of, will help you too.
Starting next week I am honored to host a guest blog series titled, The Courage to Become: Sister Stories of Hope. Each week we will highlight one amazing women who walked through the fear and uncertainty and became someone she was proud of.
These women have become: artists, dancers, writers, moms, teachers, entrepreneurs, wives, bloggers, photographers, reporters, and business women.
I am sure that their vulnerability, determination and grit will inspire us all!
If you’d like to get their inspirational stories straight to you inbox – join here.
love and grace, catia
Denzel Preaches | Week 35 | Confidence Revolution
I am a sports kind of gal. I love live sports, sports on television, I even love sports talk radio! There’s something about the combination of fanfare and team work that gets me every time.
The other day I watched Remember the Titans. I loved it when it debuted in 2000 and I love it still.
The movie is based on the true story of Herman Boone (portrayed by none other than Denzel Washington), trying to lead his football team to victory. Only it’s 1971 in Virginia -- and the high school Denzel works at is newly integrated racially.
Denzel (he’s my friend, we’re on a first name basis) tries to come up with ways to get his team to integrate on a deeper level. He wants them to play football not only with each other but for each other.
Half-way through the film the football teams goes on a workout retreat and as part of the retreat, they are loudly awakened and tasked with running miles and miles through dense woods.
The football players have not yet become a TEAM, and so they are tense, pissed, tired, hungry and overall unpleasant. They go on this run through the woods and they are grumbling while they dodge boulders and trees. They are running before the sun has risen and so they are particularly bothered -- and after miles and miles of running, their coach (who has been leading the run) stops as he sees an open field.
Fog hovers over the ground and Denzel addresses his team while they are crouched over huffing and puffing.
“Anybody know what this place is? This is Gettysburg. This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we're still fighting amongst ourselves.....today. This green field right here was painted red, bubbling with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pouring right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. 'I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family.' Listen and take a lesson from the dead.
If we don't come together right now, on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed just like they were.”
That’s where we are in America and maybe the world. We are inundated with fear through all forms of media, it’s no wonder the chasm is widening between certain religions and races.
During that same retreat the movie highlights the two pack leaders of the football team, Gerry Bertier and Julius Campbell. Gerry (white) is the team captain and he is aggravated that Julius (black) although immensely talented is not giving his all during team practices. Gerry reaches his tipping point and confronts Julius about it.
Julius, sharing in Gerry’s aggravation aggressively asks, “The captain is supposed to be the leader, right?” Julius points out how some of the white members of the team have also been slacking and how Gerry hasn’t done a damn thing about it. Then Julius says to Gerry, “Attitude reflects leadership, Captain.”
Mic drop.
Guys and gals, if we want the world to change, WE, YOU and I, have to push. WE can move the needle forward by changing the way we operate. However good and loving and progressive we think we are, we can always do a little more to be loving and inclusive.
We can’t just tell our children (and younger generations) what to do, we have to SHOW them through our ACTIONS.
Attitude reflects leadership and WE are the leaders.
love and grace, catia
What to do when you fall | Week 34 | Confidence Revolution
A few months ago I applied to be a TEDx speaker. This particular TEDx event was going to be held in my hometown. I didn’t think I was a shoe in, but I absolutely thought I had a good shot at it. I applied as a writer and motivational speaker. I have been writing for 6 years now, and even have a book, The Courage to Become, coming out in December, I thought, I have to have a good chance! Guys, I even know one of the organizers! How sweet it was going to be, me on a TEDx stage!
Well…one week went by, crickets. Two weeks went by, nothing. Three months went by, goose egg.
No call back, no stock rejection letter, nothing. Nothing at all!!!
I had failed. Right?
Maybe.
I’m currently listening to the book, Rising Strong, by Dr. Brene Brown. The premise of the book is, when we are in the arena of life and we are trying, the question is not if we will fall, but when. And when we do fall, when we find ourselves face down in the dirt, what is the story we tell ourselves.
Dr. Brown found that the determining factor for how quick people recovered was the type of stories they told themselves when they realized they had “failed.”
For example, let’s say, someone is applying for a promotion within their department. Let’s say they apply and a month goes by without a call back. Some people may tell themselves stories like, “they never liked me anyway,” or “I’d better start looking for another job now,” or “I’ll show them just how much they need me!” While others tell themselves stories like, “Maybe my application got lost,” or “maybe the person reviewing the applications is backlogged with work,” or “maybe they are waiting to promote me next month so they can also give me a raise!”
Brown continues to teach that the more optimistic person tells themselves positive things but also garners up the courage to confront the situation. They may bring it to their superiors’ attention or they may address it head on, “Hi, I was just wondering if you knew I applied and if there’s anything I can do help the process along,” or “Hi, I’m feeling unsure right now about my job performance since I haven’t received a call back.” All of those take GUTS to say!!!! But we can do hard things.
The key determining factor between the time we fall and the time we rise is the kind of story we tell ourselves when we are face down. The stories we create can be harmful or helpful. And the amazing part is that WE GET TO CHOOSE! We are in total control.
So -- did I tell myself that I suck and I’m never going to be on big public speaking stage? No way! Did I tell myself that I should have tried harder or that I’m not good enough? No way! When I realized I hadn’t been chosen, I told myself that maybe I needed a little more experience, that maybe they had too many women on the ticket and they needed more men. I told myself that maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to address my hometown. And then, I let it go. I let it go and I went back to work.
I didn’t fail. I fell.
When you realize you have fallen:
· Tell yourself a positive message, and repeat it yourself.
· Ask for clarity. Maybe, just maybe there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. Tell the person how you are feeling.
· Tell yourself you can handle it, get up, rise strong, and get back to living your purpose.
love and grace, catia
